4 – Neuro Forest

Secret: Something which is told to one person at a time.

The secret: something told to millions of new age people all at once.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t!

But if they don’t die and end up in prison they do already know how to shank.

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

The Real World’

You’re so short when you smoke weed you don’t get high.

At concerts you get lifted.

It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.

But, it’s too late.

Where does a fish go to borrow money? The loan shark!

Unless they only need a sand dollar.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

You however nailed a confused look.

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

And with morning wood, a turn-on.

Like a flat tire…….how I’m rolling this morning.

Drained, low, and dragging ass.

The device will work much better, if you turn it on.

Some objectification.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.

Astral projection should have a warning label.

If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?

They’re board.

Why do Norwegians build their own tables? No Ikea!

They heard the Beatles song ‘Norwegian Wood.’

People who say they’ve lost their voice are lying.

You don’t say. Lost their inner voice: conscience.

Why did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!

In basic inside job.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

But you do always get the last laugh.

If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.

The koala at the zoo would sure like to be returned to its habitat for one.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

A meat substitute with legs? Leggy umes.

I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.

Sign language army.

If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!

Or sell them to get a better car.

How can you be so sad when you are so beautiful?

As sadness is beautiful.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Invest in enemies stocks.

Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.

Dumbrella case.

You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.

Your abs are chiseled yet you haven’t found a niche.

Did you get a bowl of soup with that haircut?

Or at least angelhair pasta.

What has a head, a tail, and no body? A coin!

What coin has none of these? A bitcoin

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Good lingerie does include the silken eye mask.

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

Don’t miss.

Sorry I’m late! I was at home sitting down.

I was house sitting for myself.

You should need a license to be that ugly.

But I already have one… for Arkansas.

You have the nicest syntax I’ve ever seen.

Elegent, eloquent, and taxing sin.

Currently the flower business is blooming.

If you’re a pansy.

Dream carefully, because dreams come true.

Kittens create reality.

Dyslexic, you say? How do you spell that?

Lexic dis.

If time is money are ATM’s time machines?

If cleanliness is next to godliness, the janitor is god?

Is it good or bad if your vacuum sucks?

Better than if it blows.

I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it.

Beats a square.

He’s street smart. Sesame Street smart.

Big birdbrained.

Life is too complicated in the morning.

There’s a morning after pill for that.

Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?

So is parsimonious.

One bird can’t make a pun. But toucan.

Raven be ravin’, and Jays be rollin’.

Constipated people don’t give a crap.

Vegetarians give two shits.

You are not even beneath my contempt.

Just above reproach.

You’re more special than relativity.

Generally.

If God is your co-pilot – swap seats.

To lead to another market crash.

You’re so fat, you could sell shade.

Your shadow has a shadow.

Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.

Unless this was mumbled under your breath.

No one is listening until you fart.

Hope you feel ‘heard.’

Dads are like boomerangs… I hope.

When they also don’t come back.

Books are just TV for smart people.

Audible is TV for smart, lazy people.

It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

Luck is bad luck.

I work to buy a car to go to work.

Drives me nuts.

I tried to catch some fog, I mist.

Not cirrus-ly.

I am not catholic, don’t cross me.

Nailed it.

Take my advice — I’m not using it.

It’s the ad 4 vice.

Turtles think frogs are homeless.

Yet without a shell game.

Only dead fish go with the flow.

Too cool for school.

He’s as sharp as a bowling ball.

To be blunt.

I think, therefore I’m single.

I drink, therefore I see double.

Oxygen deprivation or carbon monoxide can cause memory loss.

So can dollar beer night at the bar.

Antipsychotic/neuroleptic drugs: Category of drugs tend to relieve schizophrenia and similar conditions.

Aka these are the drugs to avoid if you want to be a reality TV star.

Deceptive Expressions: Sincere and insincere expressions may ‘leak out.

Or as Nicolas Cage calls it: Acting.

Overarchingly, the brain is like a tree.

If a brain falls in the forest…

Stimulus takes two routes simultaneously — the fast pathway and the slow pathway.

To experience a fath pathway emotional response, try buying your wife an anniversary present from Walgreen’s.

Men have higher rates of heart disease than women.

But at least it proves men in fact do have hearts.

Panic attacks are marked by intense sympathetic nervous system arousal (rapid heartbeat, fast breathing).

Like the feeling you get when you know your crush has received and read your text but just isn’t replying.

Grammar: Set of rules that specify how the units of language can be combined to produce meaningful messages.

You can also lose meaningful friendships by correcting people’s grammar.

The quality of sleep declines with age.

Mostly due to fear of the dank.

The human brain is asymmetrical.

That’s why few people find a smart person attractive.

Dunbar’s number…

Discounted by Facebook?

Two or more emotions can be present in a single facial expression. Context and gestures important.

A middle finger is also an important gesture for noting anger.

Newer models view evolution to positively feed back upon itself, to alter or improve ability to future changes.

So DNA might be the only thing that pays attention to its Yelp reviews.

Neurotransmitter serotonin decreases sexual activity by blocking dopamine release.

Neurotransmitter serotonin is at its strongest when a man asks a woman to “cover the check just this once.”

Though patients are still often described by the organ: I saw an incredible kidney. today

Or, check out the liver to your right at 3 o’clock.

Grammar is special.

Or is it “are special”?

Raccoon poachers know well that the raccoon will clutch onto a coin with its paw even if having a closed paw takes too much space to be removed from the log.

There’s no change.

The hypothalamus makes up less than 1% of brain mass, yet perhaps the most important 1%.

The other 99% of the brain was responsible for the occupy hypothalamus movement a few years ago.

Semantics:

Why she’s always right and you’re always wrong.

Language may have evolved from communication by gestures.

We have all experienced the evolution of the ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics to Emojis

Both men and women prefer a romantic partner that is healthy, intelligent, honest, physically attractive, and kind.

Nowadays, most people figure that out by their third marriage.

Psychophysicists

The scariest people to run into in the lab.

Axons from different neurons compete with each other to form synapses.

When neurons compete, they should be vigorously screened for doping.

Evidence suggests that people are sexually active well into their 80s and 90s.

Depending on your age, this news will either give you hope. Or nightmares.

Self-consciousness often remains in the background, even amidst other types of consciousness.

Turns out your self-consciousness is very self-conscious.

Certain areas of the amygdala may influence sexual preference and orientation.

This part was known to the ancient Greeks as the “Beer Mug of Dionysus.”

Language and music may have arisen together.

Except in jazz music, language is basically “Shoo-be-doo-wop-bee-bop!”

Lawrence Kohlberg suggests that people pass through a series of stages in the development of moral reasoning and their sense of justice.

In other words if your parents meet an untimely end and you’re scared of bats you’ll become Batman.

George Miller: Found consistency in capacity limits in memory: he found that attention capacity is, roughly, 7 +- 2 bits of information.

Though I’m willing to argue it’s actually 140 characters, or 280 I can’t keep track anymore.

Brain death: occurs when all signs of brain activity, as measured by electrical brain waves, have ceased.

This also happens if you watch Fox News.

Exposure to nature has been directly demonstrated in the lab to lead to increased prosocial behavior (generosity).

This generosity does not extend to the squirrels ruining your garden.

Some couples do not plan for children.

And Trojan makes the bank.

Sensitivity to prolonged stimulation tends to decline over time as an organism adapts to current conditions.

Unless that stimulation is the sound of your Mother-in-Law’s voice. Then it increases.

Body integration (Health): different organs and systems work together to lead to energy and happiness.

Mine usually just lead to the fridge.

Those with damage to the ventromedial prefrontal cortex show decreased guilt and trust.

So they would steal the answers to a test and not believe them.

40% of the world’s population gets by on less than $2 a day.

That could go up to as high as 60%, because Wal-Mart is hiring.

Other experiences that release dopamine in the nucleus accumbens:

Sexual excitement, music, and when your mother-in-law says “Goodbye.”

Studies suggest that women become more sexually responsive during the periovulatory period.

But nothing makes them less responsive than the word “periovulatory”.

Older adults statistically seek relationships low in conflict and high in mutual enjoyment.

Which doesn’t explain why they yell to get off their lawn.

Rule of parsimony: Simplest theory that explains all the evidence is the best one.

While the most complicated theory is the one that Alex Jones makes a living from.

Serotonin increases flexibility, but only in your brain.

Don’t pull a hammy making the same mistake I did.

Emotions Aid in quick decision making.

Which is why some men often propose to strippers.

Old age brings freedom to do things for fun and entertainment.

It also brings the ability to start every second sentence with “In my day…”

Freud also prescribed cocaine to his patients.

That explains the lines by his office.

Teenagers may approach or avoid religion as they grapple with identity.

This explains the need for free snacks and foosball at church youth groups.

Divided into left and right hemispheres, Each hemisphere of the brain has different functions. Each controls the opposite.

For example, the right side controls picket signs while the left side controls guns.

Damage to the right hemisphere causes difficulty perceiving other’s emotions, failure to understand humor and sarcasm.

And a desire to succeed as a YouTuber.

Multitasking involves paying attention to more than one stimulus at the same time.

It’s very useful at orgies.

Resilience is determined in part by: Genes, Social support, Physical health, and Previous stressful experiences.

Also exposure to Adele.

Properties of light waves Length: Determines color Intensity/amplitude: Determines brightness.

The brighter the color, the more likely it is to be found on a pair of yoga pants.

Sexual reproduction between two individuals increases variation in the genetic pool.

Unless of course it’s in the states of Arkansas or Oklahoma.

Chomsky and Pinker proposed humans have a language acquisition device, which is a Built-in mechanism for acquiring language.

These days it’s commonly referred to as Google Translate.

Married men or those in a committed relationship generally have lower testosterone levels.

Which explains why after several years of marriage men do not object to going antiquing with their wives.

Hypo-egoism is a state in which one is not thinking about the self.

Like when you risk your life to run in a burning building to save a stranger. Or take your girlfriend out on her birthday when there’s a playoff game on.

The probability of developing alcoholism is greater than 60%.

But increases to 100% after joining a fraternity.

Fluid Intelligence is the ability to deal with new problems and situations.

Not to be confused with drinking certain fluids, the inability to deal with new problems and situations.

The end result of sensation is an emotional response or not.

So maybe she’s just not that in to you.

Humans seek approval and praise.

They do, right?… RIGHT?

Thinking is not modular, but cellular.

If you’re slow, try switching carriers.

In women, the hypothalamus and pituitary interact with the ovaries to produce the menstrual cycle.

The interaction is a real blood bath.

Dunbar’s number is a suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain social relationships.

Until Dunbar’s Wife suggested Dunbar change his number to one.

Psychology, like all sciences, works on the honor system.

Except when you’re a defense attorney using the insanity defense.

There are six universal emotions expressed: anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise.

Aka, the typical reaction to take out from Taco Bell.

Conclusions are based on results that have been statistically analyzed.

Or if you watch cable news, fear.

Perceptions of changes may be attributable to different behavioral manifestations of the same particular constellation of traits over developmental periods.

Or, as Ghandi said, “Once an asshole- always an asshole.”

Rene Descartes (1596-1650): was the French philosopher who argued for dualism between mind and body.

Both must work together, otherwise you would be putting Descartes before the horse.

Amnesia is caused by hippocampal damage.

In soap operas, it is caused by a blow to head, and can be resolved by either another blow to the head or the appearance of an evil twin.

Hippocampus: top of the sensory hierarchy.

While a hippo on campus just means you stayed at the fraternity party a little too long.

We form vision actually by sculpting away what is not there.

Like an anonymous coworker stealing bites of your sandwich.

Research on meditation has come a long way.

It’s no longer the hippie-dippie stuff of your weird Aunt.

In the West, we have only recently encountered meditation.

And we had to hear about it from The Beatles.

Each neural column tries to suppress the activity of its neighbors.

Just like that lady in the apartment above me.

The average family size is decreasing.

See, we don’t have an obesity problem.

When behavior is public and visible to others and the target of the help is female, males are more likely to help.

Which explains The Titanic.

40% of world’s population lives on less than $2 per day.

Less than a cup of coffee, and 1/10 of a starbucks coffee.

Anxiety is fear in the absence of threat.

Fear in the presence of a threat is called the News.

Classical conditioning, Pioneered by Ivan Pavlov, states that Pairing two stimuli changes the response to one of them.

If your wife walks in wearing new lingerie while a McDonalds commercial is playing, you’re probably ordering a Big Mac.

Pride gained from group membership is not always beneficial.

Especially with mountain climbers, since pride comes before a fall.

Steel Trap Memory:

Retains every bit of information, however details are mangled.

Evolution is the process by which the complexity of all types of biology comes to be.

Creation is the process by which you abandon rational thought and ignore facts.

Anterior cingulate cortex: Ability to act, speak and think.

So that’s what’s missing from most politicians.

The hypothalamus makes up less than 1% of brain mass.

Yet is far less influential in Bernie Sanders.

Reliability exists when a test measures consistently what it is trying to measure.

The test of me dumping a bucket of water on my wife every morning to make sure she wasn’t replaced with a robot is 100% reliable.

Cingulate corpus is wrapped around inside the cortex. “Cingulate” (is Latin for), ‘ring’ or ‘belt.

As the great philosopher quoted, If you like it you should put cingulate on it…

In most humans, the left side is specialized for language.

It’s where you keep your swear words.

People recall more words after survival encoding.

It’s why husbands remember to take the trash out next time.

Memories are formed by the hippocampus.

Amazing memories are formed by parties off campus.

Neuromodulatory Chemical Pathways: Each begins from tiny clusters of neurons (10s of thousands) yet are able to directly or indirectly influence billions of neurons over the brain.

They’re like YouTube influencers, except they’re not constantly yelling at you to smash that subscribe button (bro).

Critical thinking: Involves asking tough questions about whether evidence has been interpreted in an unbiased way, and about whether the evidence tells not just the truth, but the whole truth.

A practice not often adhered to in a court room.

You may for guided visualizations initially imagine yourself in a beautiful forested setting with some trees and plants.

If you have seasonal allergies, let go of any thoughts of needing your inhaler.

Some experiments with consciousness use masking: a brief visual stimulus is preceded and followed by longer interfering stimuli.

The nude scene in “Titanic” was a brief visual stimulus. The rest of the movie was interfering stimuli.

To sit and meditate for 20 minutes might seem at first daunting, yet all of us are able to aim to be fully present for even just one breath, from beginning to end.

If you can binge watch the same show for 8 straight hours, you can focus on one breath.

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