Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.

But they brush it off.

Cells multiply by dividing.

That sums it up.

You’re sweeter than 3.14

Yet equally irrational.

If you can’t beat the record, you can beat up its owner.

Unless it's for martial arts.

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

The dancers were balling.

What’s a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?

I was haunting a penthouse before the pandemic.

What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High-Definition.

Charlotte's Webster

You’re so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line.

What's your number? Nah I'll remember it.

Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!

She bugged me so I Volkswagon Bugged her.

Where does a polar bear keep his money? In a snowbank!

A bipolar bear instead gambles it.

Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

Ironically, you'll be less intoxicating.

If you don’t care where you are, then you ain’t lost.

Unless you're a pet dog.

What fruit do you eat when you are sad? Blueberries.

When you saved money on a boob job? Water mellons.

Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a connection.

Is your name Dial Up? Let's take things slow.

Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.

A wake and bake turns any building into a "high rise."

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

And they drink port.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

That's deep.

I don’t engage in mental combat with the unarmed.

They can't even go ballistic.

Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.

The perpendicular bars didn't match their outfit.

Tomorrow: The best labor saving device of today.

Going solar means daylight savings.