One head is ok, but a whole body is much better.

Unless you want to get ahead.

Life is good you know. So I suggest you get one.

A pro-lifer.

What do you call a Camel with 3 humps? Pregnant!

Or never thirsty.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

After all men only have a single X chromosome.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My palate makes up what my arteries lack in gratitude.

Committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

Commitment is to choose one of them.

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

And learn, just not from ordinary people.

Why kill time when you can make it work for you?

Because time is a serial killer.

I am depressed in every way except emotionally.

So repressed.

Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.

Teach a man how to work? A manager that does none themselves.

I am known at the gym as the “before picture.”

Popular because you need me for a transformation.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Have a cow, man.

Electricity is dangerous. Shocking, ain’t it?

Enlightening.

Nothing says I love you like divorce papers.

Side splitting.

The best way to keep a job is to work at it!

Unless you go into labor.

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

You snooze you lose... but not sleep.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

But she feels powderful.

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

A dirty house is a sign of a miss penthouse life.

My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.

And a Slovak is quick with a Mighty Mite.

STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.

As a bullemic, stressed, eats them backward.