My IQ came back negative.

You're positive?

Secret: Something which is told to one person at a time.

The secret: something told to millions of new age people all at once.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t!

But if they don't die and end up in prison they do already know how to shank.

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

The Real World'

You’re so short when you smoke weed you don’t get high.

At concerts you get lifted.

It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.

But, it's too late.

Where does a fish go to borrow money? The loan shark!

Unless they only need a sand dollar.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

You however nailed a confused look.

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

And with morning wood, a turn-on.

Like a flat tire…….how I’m rolling this morning.

Drained, low, and dragging ass.

The device will work much better, if you turn it on.

Some objectification.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.

Astral projection should have a warning label.

If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?

They're board.

Why do Norwegians build their own tables? No Ikea!

They heard the Beatles song 'Norwegian Wood.'

People who say they’ve lost their voice are lying.

You don't say. Lost their inner voice: conscience.

Why did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!

In basic inside job.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

But you do always get the last laugh.

If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.

The koala at the zoo would sure like to be returned to its habitat for one.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

A meat substitute with legs? Leggy umes.

I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.

Sign language army.